"attitude"

life is an attitude, live it.

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

I attended Bob Fitts' "Take My Healing To The Nations" concert last night at Cathay Cineplex, which was organised by City Missions Church. Praise God for them and Bob, who through his songs ministered to so many people present, including me! As with all powerful services that I attend where the Holy Spirit changes me, the devil almost immediately meddles and puts obstacles in my way. In the past it was always about people behaving irrationally toward me, targeting at how I control my anger and reactions to extreme anti-social and intrusive behaviour. Through God's grace I've been able to laugh those off and even feel enough compassion to pray for those "offenders". But however prepared we are, there are often times when the devil finds indirect ways through others, to get to us. On the way home with a few CG members, my wife got a seat on the train. On her left w as a young teenager, who seemed innocently normal at first. After a while he started playing with this large acrylic sphere, which he dropped. At that point it got my notice and I thought it'd dropped out of his bag. Apparently he had been playing with it, rolling it around all ways with his hands, like a magician. It was bad enough that he was attracting glares from everyone with his little antics but when his repertoire went into a single-handed toss-catch and he started elbowing my wife, I leaned forward and firmly told him to stop. With typical nonchalant teenage attitude he frowned even challenged me with a "Why?". He'd better thank God that I'm not the person I used to be, who would have SHOWN him why. haha.. He did tone it down but continued playing with his sphere. Throughout the way to our stop, I was seething with rage as I was getting peppered big time with an image flood of how I was going to take him out if he touched her once more, or worse, hit our u nborn baby. I thank God that the Holy Spirit counselled me then and calmed me down, enough at least counter my ill-feelings and to tolerate this teenager's antics and see our group off the train without further incident or an ugly confrontation. In the end, this episode showed me how vulnerable we truly are, even when we think we have defeated our inner demons, and how circumstances can compromise all that we've worked so hard to change. Worse than a terrorist threat, we have to be extra vigilant in guarding our hearts against such interference to our spiritual walk and growth. "Father protect my heart, even as you watch over Sherry and our unborn child. Use me Lord as a shield for my family, loved ones, friends and the wronged but no more than You would have me be. I trust in you Lord to cover them with Your hand, and may Your Spirit temper each word, action and reaction of mi ne, that I may not dishonour You through use of my own human understanding to the situations that I'm placed in."

¶ 11/09/2006 11:47:00 AM 0 comments

Monday, November 06, 2006

Phew! Its been a month since I even had time to visit my own blog! Lots have happened recently. I've photographed two weddings, a water baptism, Chinatown to Little India (and a few rounds!) plus packed every Saturday to the brim. Not forgetting my day job, its been one CRAZY month! I've multi-tasked coordinating 5 audits, run 3 sub projects, conducted a department BCM test, dealt with numerous outages and written so many presentations that I looked at my boss blankly and went "huh?" yesterday when he asked me about a particular presentation hahaha.. My job is like a carousel (merry-go-round), there are so many horses to ride, I'm not sure which one I'm on sometimes, which ones I've yet to ride and which ones I've ridden. And worst of all, its going around in circles to some mind-numbing elevator music. Throw in the wife's pregnancy and oh boy! I so do NOT have time for anything! Right now I'm writing this with my eyes half closed after 2 hours of badminton. I must be nuts.... but at least I'll sleep like a log tonight. I know there's a lesson in all of these and that He is preparing me for bigger things. I only pray that I'll have time to finally wash the remaining 3 fish tanks... : )

¶ 11/06/2006 11:22:00 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

An Oil Change On Monday my wife dropped her wallet at the market and called me in despair. I told her not to worry about it and to make a police report. Afterall, there wasn't anything we could do about it. I understood her being upset, it was a Mont Blanc ladies wallet that I'd given her for her recent birthday. The cost and contents aside, there was much sentimentality attached to it. Eventually the wallet was turned in, and the police called a few hours later, contents 100% intact - unbelieveable, in this age... But what struck me most about it was my own attitude, that of people around her, and the person who found and turned it in. Its amazing how God changes people. When I first heard about it, I prayed for God to keep her level, comfort from the Holy Spirit, to bring her home safely AND *get this* forgiveness for the person who may have picked and kept the wallet. A year ago before I rediscovered God, I would have been tempted to utter curses at the finder. Instead I was now focused on the really important values, love and forgiveness. The people around her were extremely helpful, and even offered her money to go home. Wow! Naturally when she got home she looked somewhat upset, but I was glad that her attitude was one of love as well and there was never a hint of anger at the finder. Now, the best part of it was the finder. It was an elderly Malay aunty who's part of a cleaning team in the market. She never left a name and the policewoman on duty could not describe her (the irony eh?) and we could not locate her in the vicinity either. I want to thank the lady not just for returning the wallet, but more so for her honesty, integrity and for putting others before herself. She could have easily kept it for herself but I'm sure she thought about the person who'd lost it and the anxiety the person would be going through. In contrast, many young people in our society don;t give a hoot about others. Just the day before, I held the MRT lift door open and everyone walked past me without as much as a glance let alone a simple word of thanks. Now if one of these people had picked up the wallet instead, I wonder what would they have done?

¶ 10/04/2006 06:46:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, September 25, 2006

The Edge Of Innocence My nephew Bryan who turned 3 last month thinks that Uncle Simon is just a year old today. Sometimes its wonderful to think like a child, a little naive, innocent and full of imagination. This morning I automatically awoke at 6:01am (Oh why?! When I'm on leave too!) and wanted to go shoot the sunrise at Changi beach, which I've been meaning to for a LONG time. In my half-asleep state, God put this simple revelation in my head: "you can drive there ANY morning, as often as you want to, and still get back home well in time to get changed and go to work. Go back to sleep now." Now why hadn't I thought of that? Anyway, I went back to bed. So why didn't I make this the FIRST of many "any" mornings to go recce the place or try to get a decent shot? I chose to obey because God said so. Before you think I've gone off my rocker being one year older and all, you need to know that in the last two weeks, I've come across Matthew 17:20 so many times. This morning God gave me a second revelation as I re-settled into bed, that having faith as small as a mustard seed isn't just about having faith in God's word or to do deeds in His name, but simply believing in Him. My shepherd Wing Seng SMSed me later in the morning, wishing me happy birthday and hoping that I was under shelter in the heavy rain. I realised then why God had told me to go back to bed. And for once I did not bargain, reason or even question. Bryan and I are both at the edge of innocence, just as he's starting crossing the line into the knowledge and ways of the world, I'm starting to pass him on the opposite side, back to innocence, back to a simple but powerful faith in God. What a great way to spend a birthday! : )

¶ 9/25/2006 01:22:00 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Reaction, Decision, Reflection... I'm at a crossroad. Just a while ago in a foodcourt where I was shepherding FuQuan a young girl took the next table and conveniently moved a leftover tray from there onto our table. Interrupted, I looked up and she was a little shocked. My human nature was about to unleash a curt lesson on courtesy and anti-social ills upon her when I felt God intervene. I offered a brief smile and said "its okay". After two weeks of repeatedly encountering people with such behaviour, its a little miracle that I didn't blow up tonight, tired as I was. Later I started questioning if what I did was right. On one hand a public lecture could have scared this youngster silly, but the alternative would have taught her proper and responsible social values. In reflection, what is right? To rebuke, cause hurt and teach? Or overlook, show compassion and let live? I sense this is God's prompting for me to recognise and deal with an internal struggle as I try to leave the old shoot-first-ask-later Simon Chan behind, for the more Christ-like version equipped with compassion and the works. What if someone in my care behaved similarly or needed a course-correction? Would I weave left and right at the chevron as I did tonight? Is the only way forward not to choose, but to "bash-through" and balance my reactions until I find the middle ground that God wants me to be at? A wiser me says, no, trust and wait upon Him.

¶ 9/13/2006 09:53:00 PM 0 comments

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Who dares wins, who cares spins On the way to work this morning I wondered if my life was that routine. Interesting stuff seems to happen to other people, even to the lady next to me on the MRT who had a leaky ceiling above her - hey, at least she'd have something to talk/blog/whine about later. The thunderstorm provided some relief from my morning routine. I ferried two colleagues across busy Robinson road one at a time, and although my toes are now a little cold as i write this, there's a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that something different happened. A colleague shared with me his unhappiness at work. I'm not going to share the details here, but basically, as I told him after a long pep talk, it all boils down to passion. Very often we manage our lives into a routine. As a reminder on my palm pilot went off at 8am, I lamented that my current life was managed out of a gadget and packed chock-a-block. Carrying a Blackberry device also means I'm perpetually connected to the office, yes, I'm about 50% more productive (but at the same time I literally don't have time to even daydream and my personal and work life are so inter-meshed that I multi-task by blogging and chatting with my wife while working during office hours and work on presentations and read office emails at 2am before bed). If you can relate to that, welcome to the trap called life in Singapore. We try to accomplish so much in our waking hours there are no longer lines between work and life, no distinction between having passion for life, and being professional at work. Its subtle but as we pack more and more into each day, we forget there's a difference about what we live for and why we live. If you didn't get that, try this: Stop treating your job like your family. Be professional at work, give 110% and be more than you can be. Do your job, do it well, leave it behind at sunset and come back to it tomorrow. But, save your passion for God, your family, friends, hobbies and all things that you cannot resign or get retrenched from. Only carry important people and things in your heart. Don't waste your passion on trying to "own" your work environment and making it suit you. Simply be a part of it. Adapt, don't adopt. If you are in that rut today; whining about working under lousy leadership, how things are not well in the office and with colleagues, ask yourself, would you dare to change your attitude instead of fighting the current of life? I’ll tell you, its easier to go with the flow unless your first name is Salmon. You can score a win for yourself now, but care for the wrong things and your life eventually goes into a spin. Ah, thank God for a break in routine and my sunshine in the rain.

¶ 8/31/2006 11:15:00 AM 1 comments

Monday, August 28, 2006

Yesterday I had the opportunity to jointly photograph 120 babies in two hours, or about one every two minutes. From a photography standpoint it was great. But the event also taught me a lot about patience. Some of the organisers panicked in the face of the swelling crowd and *really* rubbed me like velvet the wrong way (think fingernails on blackboard) by repeatedly telling us photographers to hurry up. Above the wrongful accusations, excited grandmas constantly shouting at 200dB in my ears trying to get baby to look at me didn't help either. Where were my ushers to control the crowd? Then, printing of the photos fell behind and more panic ensued because the judges were waiting. If I had been the project manager I had workable solutions albeit daring. But I respected the capacity I was involved in. Eventually when the yoghurt hit the fan, Simon's THE man. Oh why? What did I do now? Then the wife shot me a look. I lost it. "Patience" the faithful dog got run over by a car... Later on I also learnt that many people had jumped queue, adding to the overall confusion and frustrations. Watching F1 later, when I saw Kimi Raikkonen getting bumped out of the Turkish GP, I realised that he must have had more retirements than race finishes this year. Yet he still didn't lose his cool in spite of F1 being everything to him. It would be like me messing up 4 of 5 days at work every week, which I thankfully don't. It put things back into a little more perspective for me. Last night on the drive home, a BMW sped past on the left lane doing about 100 on a 60kmh road, only to brake hard for the light. I wondered if petrol prices had plunged... This morning, as I exited the MRT (subway train) station, people were in a usual frenzy to cram 10-into-two on the escalator. For once, I didn't feel an urge to filter to the stairs or use my God-given powerful legs to get ahead of the crazy crowd. I simply went with the flow. I didn't lose much time, but saved a lot of frustration. I think I've finally seen the light. PATIENCE. God revealed this to me in a prayer meet many months ago when I asked for a vision to my problems at work. It didn't make much sense then. Today, it did perfectly: I don't need to get annoyed with people, I don't need to rush. Life goes on. Its against my goal-oriented nature but I will work at it, with His grace.

¶ 8/28/2006 11:50:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, August 25, 2006

After a 10-week hiatus I dusted the cobwebs off my golf bag and fired an 89 today. The feeling was good even though my putting and chipping were w-a-y off. But what felt better was the ability to comfortably place complete trust in my caddy. He said "three balls left, downhill" - I complied. "Aim for the clock tower" - I did. So what's the big deal, you ask? The answer: I am NOT a yes-man. Funny how this topic kept popping up today. I had lunch with a good buddy's family today and we touched on the subject of independence. Given the kind of strict, regimental and rather abusive upbringing I had under the fist and cane of my nanny (my folks were busy running the family business), I'd learnt to literally fight for survival at a very young age. Terms like "outsourcing" and "global deforestation" were not coined yet, but I think it started there, and as the terms are today, I got the butt of it. The need to survive mindless caning (I sometimes wonder if she was on something then) developed into a rebellious nature, which in turn made me fiercely independent - a thinker and fighter all in one. As I matured this became the "attitude" I carry till today. God has taught me through so many lessons to rely on Him. How can you actually trust in a God that you cannot see? If you are a skeptic like me, then wait till you get a wake-up call from Him. Alternatively, you read my testimonies which I will post in the days to come (trying to figure how to link them as separate pages/ docs in this same site). Yet in so many instances I've chosen to rely on this well-honed instinct to go the whole hog myself. Golf has been no exception. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not a smarty-pants kind of guy! In fact I accept and consider all input criticism, sarcasm and in-the-face comments (but I draw the line when the saliva flies). But because I've learnt to think many steps ahead, I see a whole web of probabilities before me. Therefore its not easy when people (let's just call them "un-informed") try to shove things down my throat. Caddies are no exception, just like some bosses, they think they know your abilities so well they micro-manage everything from the way you putt to club selection. You can imagine how this has rubbed me the wrong way countless times. Today, I left 11 years of experience and a 14-handicap behind and listened entirely to my caddy-turned-tournament director of sorts. The partnership went very well, and albeit for my occasional short-game hiccup, 89 on an unfamiliar course is still very respectable. Doesn't it work with God the same way? I was praying on the long drive home (don't worry Miss Daisy, I can multi-task very well thank you). It started with my needs for closure on the many issues at work that have been plaguing me lately and then God reminded me through a flashback of many past events which I'd long forgotten, of the need to rely on Him. A heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders tonight and as I write this, I know that the Holy Spirit is upon me, tomorrow will be a new day, and I will be a man with a slightly different attitude.

¶ 8/25/2006 12:03:00 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Finally! This blog is now off the ground. One more thing off my list, like Earl Hickey, but certainly non-karmatic. I've come to the realization that God wants some discipline out of me, not just for the big hurdles, but also the little stuff.

Now I'm starting to eat my words to "never sweat the small stuff". As a project manager I need to think big (act big-talk big comes with the territory but hey, it gets the job done!). I've a reputation for running over little issues flat into the road. Nothing stops me, unless He says so. Photography slows me down, I pause to appreciate nature, stop to shoot street scenes and pull out all the stops just to coax a portrait shot out of a kid. But I've still overlooked the little things. Like working on this blog. Next, I have 4 fish tanks to clean up - in a big way - some are looking like ponds already. Then on the list comes my study, littered with countless cartons from my many eBay camera purchases (even my wife disposes/ recycles her shoe boxes and she's the messy one! I guess I'm now the reigning king-of-the-mess). Anyhow, I'm going to put this blog to good use. Each time I shoot a good picture its coming to this mini-gallery. For a start if, like me, you tend to procrastinate on the minor stuff, let me inspire you to get off your lazy rear lest you wind up in my frame someday looking like this...hee... : )

Public Sleeper's Corner, Singapore

¶ 8/23/2006 11:15:00 PM 0 comments

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